I normally try to keep these articles light-hearted. This one, not so much, but hang with me until the end.
When I was six, I was severely burned by a container of THIRTY SIX cups of steaming hot coffee that spilled over my back and right arm. It caused burns so severe that they separated my skin to the point where some questioned whether I would be able to use my right arm because of possible nerve damage.
All from a harmless drink.
While that story is best left for another time, I want you to know that through my adolescent years, my teens, and even into some of my young adulthood, I struggled with the fear of being around coffee. A simple cup of coffee made me nervous; the basic smell of coffee brewing brought memories from an incident that was a blur in my past. Can you imagine, the thing that most of us dream about in the morning sent me into memories as a six-year-old boy turning to my father and asking a question WAY BEYOND my years, “Daddy, am I dying?” That is not the story that I want to focus on here, but the repercussions of it.
I avoided coffee for years. Give me water, milk, pop, whatever, instead of coffee. It wasn’t that I was afraid of the drink, I was afraid of the memories and emotions that it brought with it.
I avoided it.
It got me to thinking, what is avoidance?
Worry – I will avoid dealing with it.
Regret – I am going to avoid doing that again.
Resentment – I am going to avoid ‘them’ I know that they are going to do ‘that’ again.
The Journal of Contemporary Medical Sciences even has something to say about it: “In some cases, experiences of rejection and marginalization during childhood and innate traits of social anxiety and stress may contribute to avoidance.” The list of why to avoid something or someone is long and distinguished! That’s because those are all based out of fear.
But that’s not the kind of avoidance I want to talk about; sometimes avoidance is a good thing. I am avoiding certain foods so I can lose weight.
I avoid eating potato chips at night just before I go to bed, because I know they will do something bad to my stomach and I will have weird dreams all night.
Sometime it hits a little bit closer to home – I avoid going shopping by myself because I will spend too much money or, I avoid going to the bar because I don’t like who I become.
On a broader scale, these are not avoidance, these are investments. While the cartoon shows that running away from your problems is harmful and that you should “try, try again,” … knowing your limits is wise.
As a recovering addict myself, I do not put myself in positions that compromise myself, my family, my finances, and my life. Everyday, in every situation, I must ask myself, ultimately is this good or bad for me? That question being asked at the beginning of every encounter used to seem like a death sentence to me. “Oh my God, I am going to have to do this for everything, everyday, for the rest of my life!” You know what they didn’t tell me? It becomes instinct. I don’t even think about it anymore! Is this good? Bad? Answer. DONE! Next! Now it just happens that quickly.
The other thing to deal with the fear, you must deal with the baggage. The “byproducts” of the incident were scaring me more than the incident ever did. I had to ask myself some serious questions, am I never going to walk into a coffee shop!?! Am I going to avoid a heartfelt conversation with a friend ‘over a cup of coffee’?? Am I ever going to try this drink that MOVES A MAJORITY OF THE PLANET?!?! No! I am going to look this fear in the eye. I run my day, something or someone else does not!
I still remember the first full cup I had in my early 20’s. I was sitting at a kitchen table in Warroad, MN. I don’t know if it was because I was cold from shoveling 3 feet of snow or if it was just the fact that the iron in the well water gave the drink extra “punch.” It was the most delicious drink I had ever had and from that moment on, my view was changed. In fact, I even had a laugh at it, right there at the table, a laugh of, ‘Why have I been denying this to myself for so long!’
I faced my fear.
Well, I have to wrap this article up now … my coffee is getting cold.
You are in charge of your day, don’t let anyone or anything be in charge of it for you.
