The Little Monster

Hi guys, thanks for coming back and checking out my blog!

You may have noticed my absence last week, I have had some medical issues that took precedence and I have run the gamut of frustration, confusion and fear.

As some of you know, I am diabetic. With diabetes, goes a plethora of things that can change my daily routine on a regular basis, but sometimes these complications can be worse than expected.

At the beginning of last week, whether because of diabetes, diet, too many steps, etc, I started losing toenails. Yuck, I know! Forgive my bluntness, but I want you to understand the scope of this. I did not break nails or rip them too close to the bed. I mean, I had what I thought was bruising but the nail bed and the nail separated. YUCK!

Losing a nail is an extremely painful process! If you have not gone through it, believe me when I tell you, it makes walking almost impossible. While I went to go see the doctor about this issue, thinking that it was an isolated case, they discovered that I was losing another one on my other foot!

I was beginning to worry – it was affecting my home and work life. It literally made walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water a blindingly painful process.

Before you begin to tell me that it could be fungal, it could be “this” or it could be “that,” I will just tell you that I have spoken to medical professionals and we are working on it, together. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and well wishes, but please, let’s leave the medical advice to the professionals. 

Now you know why I posted nothing last week. At one point in time, I could not even cross my legs at the ankles without it hurting so bad it put me to tears.

Because of the nature of my workplace, I am respectfully not mentioning them here. As a subject on the whole, my workplace has been exemplary in helping me with whatever I need and because of that, I can tell you, it is truly a blessing when you work with people who appreciate you. I consider myself VERY lucky.

So let’s get to today’s topic: each one of us has a little ‘monster’ inside of them in some shape or form. Whether it is a demon from your faith, chemical dependency, or in some cases a demon inside of you because of lack of faith in yourself, your abilities, or even mental illness, EVERYONE fights their own fight.

While sitting in a chair in my house this last week, my little demon of “self-value” decided to “set up shop.” I will save you all the contents but, what’s important here is, I saw it through to the end, (i.e. I dealt with it); it was always in the plan to get back to “normal” and finally, I followed through with that plan and I am starting back to normal today. 

Each one of us has a little monster inside of us that comes out in our weakest moments. I would love to tell you that I faced this little monster right away by reminding it that it was wrong; that I had people who believed in me and cared for my well-being and were waiting for me to get back to my normal … but I would be lying … he started to get the best of me.

The truth of the matter is, I remembered a book that I read that said the toughest person you will ever battle against is yourself. To win my battle this time, I stopped throwing around my attitude … and I started counting my blessings!

I have a great job. I have a great marriage, I have a loving home and I have a comfortable life. As I have said many times before, “How lucky am I?”

And just for you “scorekeepers” out there saying, “Well, if you lost any of one of those items, it would knock you to the ground!” The answer to that is … I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do, but I can tell you this, every obstacle that has ever come my way so far, I have beaten. So it should also be with you, look at all you have come through, all of the great things you have done. You might be in a slump right now and you may not even be competent enough to try to talk yourself into positively turning it around. That’s all right. When that little monster gets on your shoulder and reminds you of how worthless you are, how absolutely unimportant you are, how you will never make a difference or change anything in this world, instead of trying to organize your thoughts for an argument with your self, start with this thought next time: One, “I have ‘this’.” Two, “I like ‘this’ about me.” Three, “people like ‘this’ about me.”

When you do win that argument … and you will … that little monster will turn to you and laugh, and say, “fine … see you next time!” Remember, that’s a fear tactic meant to break you down.

Just turn around and tell him, “You know where I’ll be and I will count on you again!”